Sign in to follow this  
Ph0toN

Ph0toN's Weirdness Thread

15 posts in this topic

P-h-0-t-o-N-'s W-e-i-r-d-n-e-s-s T-h-r-e-a-d

 

Alzheimer_10.jpg

Oh dear, oh dear....What is this weirdness?

 

I've written probably hundreds of pages of absolute insanity over the years but rarely do I share any of it with more than one or two people. So....I'm going to share it with GSC, a little at a time, as often as I remember to.

 

So here we go, prepare to be scratching your head trying to figure out what in the hell is going on in my brain.

 

------------------------------------------------

 

Unknown Date:

 

Introducing the all new toy from Hasbro! It's Stud Farm! Now you can have the joy of breeding your own horses right at home. Complete with realistic menstral flow and pump action ejaculation! Buy now and have it in time for the holidays. What better gift for the little ones than the joy of horse reproduction! *Semen and menstral fluid refills sold separately.

 

And that's not all kids! Tired of Mr Potato Head? Well you should be, he's a thing of the past! Jump onto the wave of the future with the all new Mr Leper Head! That's right, instead of putting parts on, you make parts fall off of him! Buy now and we'll throw in a real vile of lepracy extract to share with a friend!

 

Tired of collecting enemies ears the manual way? Well try the all new Lepresol! Stealthely spray your enemy with it and his ears will be falling off in no time, just laying there waiting for you to collect! Lepresol - It's leprocy in an aresol can!

 

------------------------------------------------

 

07-05-12:

 

to be frank with you I have to put on his clothes, but then of course I'd only be wearing franks clothes and I'd still actually be myself, so I don't know that I could ever truly be frank with you, nor you either, with me, for that matter.

 

Attention! From this day forth let it be known that only three butt holes per week may be washed by hand. The rest must be washed with a stick or other foreign object. We are running out of soap to disinfect the hands. Thank you for your cooperation.

 

I'm really at a loss on this P2P technology. Why would anyone want to pee just to pee? I pee with a purpose, to drain my bladder. Anything else is just pointless.



"Hey Frank I'm going to the bathroom to P2P." "You mean you're not going to drain your bladder?" "No, I'm just going to pee a little just for the hell of it, then I'll pee a little more later. No sense wasting it all at one time!"

Edited by Ph0toN

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

08-20-12:

 

(This is one of many real yet insane aim conversations between me and a friend - I've censored the more graphic parts.)

 

Me: I fed a bunch of frozen fish to the marsupial in charge of your belly button hole. I'm sorry, I'm sure it will give him indigestion.

 

Friend: He's only allowed a diet of smell sauce and booger lasagna and yes it shall give him premature birth moo's and a larger sort of happy greese.

 

Me: Yes yes, the happy grease is common. I have yet to encounter the premature birth moo's though, Is it a frequent occurrence when his diet is irregular?

 

Friend: If he doesn't get his smell sauce then yes, and especially if he's had no fungal growth pudding smushed between his toes.

 

Me: I've found that allowing them to have passions with an android helps to alleviate the menstrual cramps and facilitates the gushing of milk substitute onto the highway.

 

Friend: However if it gets on the highway it gizzles and makes the clown cars unite in a furious hunger pain session and then the fever snails don't procreate resulting in a gashy gumption.

 

Me: Ah yes, the dreaded gashy gumption. I have experienced that atrocity on many occasions. The resulting smell is quite rank, but when combined with a pint or two of ***Censored*** secretion it can on occasion create a floral fragrance, somewhat akin to the smell of a kangaroo's rear cavity after a succulent eloping.

 

Friend: If Kangaroo bottoms elope it does create a type of floral fragrance but thats only because a mommy hoe inserted her boiling testical fingers into the kangaroo sphincters which makes them smile and be merry like the small specks of peanuts that get guzzled into the diahrrea yogurt that some small queens like to eat before they become large and engorged and smear their faces with salty butter spread.

 

Me: Diaper check time! Make sure you're not carrying around a stinky load! Mine was full to the brim, juices leaking down my thighs. It was succulently sweetness. I found a whole apple in there as well, I must have eaten it without chewing and its skin kept the digestive juices from devouring it.

 

Friend: I checked mine and there was a large horse in mine. So I scrubbed its long ***Censored*** with shampoo and gave gentle kiss, and then let its huge horsey ***Censored*** slide deeply into my bottom hole until the poo came out. Which went into the diaper. So I disposed of that, put the horse in my new diaper for safe keeping, and cleaned the slobber off my legs.

 

Me: I'm glad you treated the horse kindly, a diaper is a very safe place to keep it. Lots to graze on in there.

 

Friend: Its fur massages my bottom in the noon time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

12-01-11:

 

Why is John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith‭ "‬my name too‭?"

 

I've come to the conclusion that the guy that the song‭ "‬John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith‭" ‬is about might be schizophrenic.‭ ‬I believe it's a possibility that both of his personalities recognize one another and both go by the same name.‭ ‬Even more so I believe that it's a possibility that the alternate personality recognizes that he's an alternate personality but John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith has no idea he's even got an alternate personality.‭

 

The song says‭ "‬Whenever we go out,‭ ‬the people always shout,‭ ‬John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith‭!" ‬The‭ "‬we‭" ‬may imply that if one goes out that the other one goes out as well.‭ It might just be possible that the alternate personality is sick of being called John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith when he really desires his own name but nobody will call him anything else because they see the body that belongs to the primary personality,‭ ‬John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith,‭ ‬and the whole song, is the alternate personality's complaint about it.‭ ‬Food for thought...

 

------------------------------------------------

 

02-11-11:

 

I need to get myself a fake academy award,‭ ‬fake nobel prize,‭ ‬and fake olympic gold medal.‭ ‬Then I can be a grand fake winner‭! ‬:D

 

 

------------------------------------------------

 

09-15-11::

 

If you want to know if your cat has tape worms just stick its butt in a cassette player and hit play. If you don't hear anything it doesn't have tape worms.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

12-01-11:

 

Why is John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith‭ "‬my name too‭?"

 

I've come to the conclusion that the guy that the song‭ "‬John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith‭" ‬is about might be schizophrenic.‭ ‬I believe it's a possibility that both of his personalities recognize one another and both go by the same name.‭ ‬Even more so I believe that it's a possibility that the alternate personality recognizes that he's an alternate personality but John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith has no idea he's even got an alternate personality.‭

 

The song says‭ "‬Whenever we go out,‭ ‬the people always shout,‭ ‬John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith‭!" ‬The‭ "‬we‭" ‬may imply that if one goes out that the other one goes out as well.‭ It might just be possible that the alternate personality is sick of being called John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith when he really desires his own name but nobody will call him anything else because they see the body that belongs to the primary personality,‭ ‬John Jacob Jingle Heimer Smith,‭ ‬and the whole song, is the alternate personality's complaint about it.‭ ‬Food for thought...

 

 

that's awesome.

 

 

: D oh the strange workings of the mind.

Edited by Dgloww

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

09-11-11:

 

(Scholarly Writing)

Rice - the history, the conflict, the big chew. A political dialogue by Richard the Lion Hearted. Chapter 1: The Bridge to Vietnamese Patties. It all started when John St John invaded the northern fields. There was mass panic, and during the ensuing riot John St John's men got themselves into a Vietnamese Bullfight, which according to legend involves the mass orgy of many men in semi-undressed fashion and a large herd of goats that are attracted to the peanut butter smeared on the men's testicles.

 

(Sci-Fi/Drama/Romance)

Jango Fett was taking an erotic bubble bath while wearing his armor when in hobbled an old man who came to get head from Jango. He pulled out a lightsaber and sliced cleanly through Jango's neck, grabbing the head and walking away, leaving the remains of Jango's armored body to bask sumptuously in the bubble bath unaided by a head to give sensual guidance to its hands under the foamy bubbles.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

09-17-12

 

Jane saw the fish eating her toe. Until a moment before she didn't know she had a toe. Why did she have a toe? Why did she have a foot? What was she?

She couldn't decide so she continued to watch the fish eat her toe. It felt slimy and cold, sort of like the time she'd been immersed in pickle relish.

That's it! That's why she had legs! To get into the pickle relish tank!

Immediately she decided that it might not be a good idea to let the fish eat her toe. She might need it to get back into the pickle relish.

She wiggled her toe. The fish didn't move. She shook her foot. The fish flopped back and forth heavily but would not let her toe free. Then, taking a deep breath, she softly sang the tune her mother sang when she was a child, sweetly pouring out the words like lavish icing on a three-tier-cake.

"I have a moustache, it's not a bad rash, it's really a moustache, oooh! I'm a woman with a lip dog, it's grown out really bushy and long, oh I've got a moustache, baby you can't touch that, cause I've got a moustache, oooh! Oooh eee oooh eee oooh!"

The pupils of the fish's eyes slowly slid upward as it became lulled by Jane's enchanting voice, relaxing its little flippers and releasing its bowels. Its mouth opened in a sigh of contentment and it drifted away in the current, leaving the hauntingly beautiful sound of Jane singing sweet nothings softly on the river bank, her handlebar moustache flapping gently in the cool summer breeze.

 

------------------------------------------------

 

"There she blows! Brace yourselves it's gonna be a rough one!"

 

"Sighting, Sir, off the port bow!"

 

"What is it?"

 

"It's a polar bear!"

 

"A polar bear?"

 

"Yes, Sir, a polar bear. And it's dancing!"

 

"A dancing polar bear? Let me have a look through that glass son....Well I'll be! It really is a dancing polar bear! Run up the colours, beat to quarters!"

 

"Aye, Sir!"

 

"We'll be taking this one head on. Don't want the albino booger slipping around us with a slick dance move like the last one did. Fire a warning shot!"

 

BOOM

 

"The shot seems to have antagonized it, Sir, it's dancing a hard samba!"

 

"Oh dear Lord what have I led my ship into....HARD TO PORT! PREPARE FOR A VOLLEY!"

 

"We've been hit with a glowstick, Sir!"

 

"Damage?"

 

"We've lost Scottie, Sir! Glowstick went right up his nose, killed him instantly. Then a giant shark jumped over the bow of the ship and ate his body. It was awful, Sir."

 

"It sounds like it, Seaman. I'm terribly sorry I didn't witness it myself. You did well. Double grog for you tonight."

 

"Thank'ee, Cap'n!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I+fucking+love+you+all+so+much+right+now+_524af4aed3716d7d8cdd0feddd41f45e.jpgg Edited by Jebsax2006

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

09-20-10:


Try the all new handy dandy E-JACK-Ulator pills! That's right, it's the only handy utility you'll ever need, in pill form! Within minutes after ingestion you'll be ejaculating useful items on the go! Need a wrench? No problem! Ejaculate one! Time to brush your teeth but you don't have a toothrbrush? No problem! Ejaculate one! Time for bed? Where is your bed? Gone again? Well fear not! Ejaculate one! That's right folks, you can ejaculate any thing you need! Need 3.4 million to buy that cool jet airplane? No problem! Ejaculate it! Ejaculate again and buy a second one! So try the all new handy dandy E-JACK-Ulator pills today and don't forget to...Ejaculate! *Lubricant not included. E-JACK-Ulator Inc. not responsible for sore genitals.

 

------------------------------------------------

 

09-29-12:


I pooped a seagull.  As soon as its head came out it started trying to peck at my balls so I pushed really hard and shat that gull out like a rocket, and that's what it looked like too with its taught little wings straining to keep it steady as the subsonic winds streamed over its fragile little feathers, its tiny eyes bulging in terror as it hurtled toward the moon.

 

------------------------------------------------

Luke Skywalker, 10 years after Return of the Jedi, is practicing with his lightsaber when suddenly his ass erupts and a large tentacled creature comes out. "Hey I know you!" Luke yells, "You're that creature I met in the trash compactor on the death star! I thought you'd gone out through an underwater door!" The creature replies in a very wet sounding voice, "I am the ass monster. The noise you mistook for an underwater door was the chain on my main tentacle being unclamped. I was set free to plunge an ass, and an ass I plunged. It's been a lovely 10 years in your ass, but to tell you the truth I'm a little tired of all the jumping around you do with your jedi stuff. I'm going to find someone else's ass to plunge. Too-da-loo!" The creature tips his little top hat and scuttles away on its slimy tentacles. Luke watches in horror, his ass dripping and sore. No wonder he'd been constipated all those years...

 

------------------------------------------------

09-30-12:


Me: susanna made a **** out of curly fries
Friend: Impressive......most impressive.
Me: Georgy Georgy Doo made a crispy fish, he put a bit of voodoo in his cooking dish, the peasants begged for chowder but they had no wish, Georgy made his fishy it was so delish!

 

------------------------------------------------

 

10-16-12:


The genteel general had genital wart genomes gently gestating on his leg.

 

------------------------------------------------


10-17-12:


My prehensile tail has turned into a boogery barnicle of buttery britches.

 

------------------------------------------------

 

01-03-13:

 

People in the pantyhose kingdom like to eat sprite.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you still have a recording of your Harry Potter GSC cover? If so, please, please, please post it, it was hilarious :D

 

Cheers

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Two years later I finally reply.....

 

Yes Tico I still have that video.  I'll upload it to youtube if it will let me.  I'm not sure if it'll scream about copyrights or not.  I haven't watched that thing in years, it would be fun to watch it again.

 

Here's a couple of videos that I never released publicly, they're hidden "secret" videos.  But no sense in keeping them hidden.

 

Rorok Grows Up

 

Fear Spanks Rorok

 

And this one wasn't hidden but it was definitely weird:

 

Cleric Crashes GSC

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rofl YEUS

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I made this video in 2007 but due to youtubes restrictions I was unable to upload it with sound until last year. It's one of the more bizarre videos I've ever made but I sure had a lot of fun making it. Thought I'd share it since I've never really told anyone about it since I uploaded it.

 

Splish Splash:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yop. x'D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this