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Lilszamora

LGBT advice needed

16 posts in this topic

I am bisexual, but can't find a way to tell my parents...I really think they'd understand, but I still find it frightening to tell them.

 

and I also have gender dysphoria, which, in case you don't know, means, even though I am a guy, mentally I feel I am a female...at least that's my understanding of it.

 

I have no idea how to tell my parents either of these...any advice would be nice.

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well, i think its hard...you cant go on like this forever...but i think what u should do is get the proper timing...i think thats the important thing..coz we all know u wont be breaking a good news right? try for example after dinner..or if both of them is just wtching TV..i really cant advice u on how u would say it but i believe that if u are true to ur heart and what ull say is how u really feel..everything will follow...just boils down to timing..but then again dont expect that they can accept the idea right away, give them time, more time to internalize...they may not talk to u for awhile but just accept and wait...how long? i dunno but eventually, they will understand..they have to...i always believe parents love their children unconditionally...whoever they are..whatever they have become....

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I'm going to try and put gender dysphoria in my own words to better understand, and please tell me if I am correct/incorrect. You feel that you are a female that likes males, but there's a part of you that is lesbian that like females.

 

Also, when people are bisexual, I heard that it is slightly favored to either or male or female, but not both the same. Either that, or your "type" sways from one to another. Are you feeling one over another at the moment?

 

I think that how you tell your parents is largely defined by how close your relationship is with your parents, so it's difficult to give any direct "how-to" advice.

 

You said your parents would understand, and if I was in a similar situation, I think mine would too. It's just that my parents and I aren't super close or anything. Even when I lived with them, they didn't know how many or who my significant others were, what gender they were, if I lost my virginity (and if so, by whom?), and things of that nature. I don't personally feel the need to tell them anything like that unless they ask. I'm a super open person, it's just that unless I'm going to them for guy/girl advice at all, then it makes no difference.

 

All I'm trying to say for now is to take your time. You're still a young man, and you got plenty of time to learn more about yourself after high school, and then more comfortable enough with yourself that you can be more comfortable when you tell your parents.

 

If you ever wanna chat, just give me your IM address via PM and I'll talk whenever. I always like to help others, so don't hesitate.

 

With PLURR,

Jeff

 

P.S.- WAS there a time frame you wanted to tell your parents by?

 

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i came out to my parents in a letter i wrote while i was rolling and gave to them on valentines day....im sure that doesnt help u to know.....but maybe a letter is easier then verbely...(and my parents are extremely open minded.....and it wasnt a mailed letter...i lived at home and was young, but it was still hard) the easiest way....is to just make urself do it......if they really love you....then they would want you to be happy.......so how u tell them in the long run is not as important as the fact that u just tell them....... good luck....if you need anything please dont hesitate to ask, anything i could do to help.....IM THERE!!! i know you dont know me....but we share the same battle, and i understand what ur going through.

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i came out to my parents in a letter i wrote while i was rolling and gave to them on valentines day....im sure that doesnt help u to know.....but maybe a letter is easier then verbely...(and my parents are extremely open minded.....and it wasnt a mailed letter...i lived at home and was young, but it was still hard) the easiest way....is to just make urself do it......if they really love you....then they would want you to be happy.......so how u tell them in the long run is not as important as the fact that u just tell them....... good luck....if you need anything please dont hesitate to ask, anything i could do to help.....IM THERE!!! i know you dont know me....but we share the same battle, and i understand what ur going through.

 

I honestly can't read any of your posts. You don't use ellipses like that, they're meant to be used to signify that something continues on, not as a means to separate sentences or to signify silence. I'm sure the community would appreciate it if you would attempt to post more coherently.

 

Anyway, OP. Sit down with your parents, Talk to them about it. As for the Gender Dysphoria, is it self-diagnosed? If it is, I'd talk to a psych about it, because it may just be autogynephilia or something of the like.

 

Here's the wiki page if you want to learn more about that.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autogynephilia

 

I'd still talk to a psych about it though, regardless. It's a hard thing to go through, at least it was for me.

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It's been a while since I came out to my parents, but I think I could offer some advice in this area anyway.

 

First off, what you're feeling right now is really common, and I've known several people who've felt the same way. However, your situation is also unique to you, and only you can evaluate everything that is going on. I'll just say some things that have worked for me and others, and maybe you can get some ideas on how they could apply to your situation.

 

One thing I did before coming out to my mom was to "test the waters" with some discussion on things such as gay marriage. Another way to do this would be to make up a fake friend or someone at school that's GLBT and talk about them. I interpreted the responses as a good indication on how she would react to who I was. This can't be a complete indication of how they will react to YOU, however.

 

It should be noted that you have to be confident in who you are to a certain extent before coming out to others. I don't really remember how I felt about myself, but I know I've come to be more confident up until now. Expect a LOT of questions, some hurtful, some not. Most of the hurtful questions are usually just out of ignorance, at least in my experience. One way to gain a bit of confidence is to read a lot of GLBT literature or get involved in the community online. GLSEN is a great teen resource. Check out outpath for some coming out stories. Reading how several others did it helps.

 

Some books I've read have been the Rainbow High series by Alex Sanchez, Outing Yourself by Michelangelo Signorile, GLBTQ: the survival guide for queer & questioning teens by Kelly Huegel, and some others I've found through some internet resources.

 

Have you come out to anyone besides your parents? Allies are really great things to have when coming out to parents.

 

I know for a fact that once you have come out to your parents, whether their reaction is horrible or not, you will feel much better in a way I can't describe. I have to say that the more I have come out to people, the better I have felt in the end. Hang in there, and remember again that there are others out there. You're not alone in your struggle.

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I honestly can't read any of your posts. You don't use ellipses like that, they're meant to be used to signify that something continues on, not as a means to separate sentences or to signify silence. I'm sure the community would appreciate it if you would attempt to post more coherently.

 

Anyway, OP. Sit down with your parents, Talk to them about it. As for the Gender Dysphoria, is it self-diagnosed? If it is, I'd talk to a psych about it, because it may just be autogynephilia or something of the like.

 

Here's the wiki page if you want to learn more about that.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autogynephilia

 

I'd still talk to a psych about it though, regardless. It's a hard thing to go through, at least it was for me.

I looked at that link, and yes it is self diagnosed, and I most likely am going to go to the psychiatrist to get some tests or whatever they do for it.

 

Anyways thanks everyone for the advise, I did come out to my mom so far, but we haven't told my dad yet. She was very understanding of the whole situation.

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they're meant to be used to signify that something continues on, not as a means to separate sentences or to signify silence.

 

well, you seem to have discovered what exactly i was useing them for. So to me, i dont fully understand how exactly u were unable to read any of my posts. to me this is just a fourm.....i talk and i give my opinion, and share and bounce thoughts and ideas across each other....and for some reason to me....i prefer to use lots of these.................... I dont know why i do, but i do.......for some reason it feels natural to me...... i appoligize to all the members of the "community"..... I hope that all of you can learn to breakdown my intense code ive developed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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yeah, I made the mistake of coming out during a fight, about my grades. THAT set the foundation for how me and my parents are right now. They love me, but its a weird situation. They want to talk about it, but then freak out and dont want to talk.

 

When I first came out to my parents, they called me bad names and stuff like that, and then they even thought about moving as my friends have "corrupted" me. They've threatened me with psycholoists, and even boot camp. They are not hardcore religious, but they are homophobic.

 

after a long time, my parents finally told me that in the end, they just want me to be happy. its still a long and rough road to talk about, but it will only get better.

 

 

 

I know mine sounds like a horror story, but this is not every parent's reaction. when a few of my friends came out to their parents, the parents just simple said cool and asked for the butter for their bread. But ive had friends spend the night as their parents kicked them out of the house.

 

it just depends on the person, your relationsip with your parents, and your life.

 

Though you are bisexual, I highly suggest you fully explore this website.

 

http://www.familyacceptance.org/home.html

 

Its a site created by a couple for parents, explaining what they did when their son came out, as well as give some good explainations that can help them understand. Its a great read, but when your parents are ready, sit them down and have them go through the site as well. I plan to show the site to mine very soon.

 

I hope everything works out, and dont be afraid to message me or anyone on this board for help, or just want to talk.

 

We glowstickers look out for each other, as we are a family.......that emits its own light :biggrin2:

 

 

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well, you seem to have discovered what exactly i was useing them for. So to me, i dont fully understand how exactly u were unable to read any of my posts. to me this is just a fourm.....i talk and i give my opinion, and share and bounce thoughts and ideas across each other....and for some reason to me....i prefer to use lots of these.................... I dont know why i do, but i do.......for some reason it feels natural to me...... i appoligize to all the members of the "community"..... I hope that all of you can learn to breakdown my intense code ive developed.

It's annoying, hard to read and you type like a kid who's played one too many JRPG's, It's not some sort of intense code, it's idiotic, the things you learn in English class apply here, I'm just saying that it'd be easier to communicate if you would pay more attention to how you word things and how you type out your stuff, it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be readable.

 

Anyway, this is off topic.

 

To the OP, Congrats on coming out to your mom. good luck with your pop, usually, the masculine side of the family seems to give more resistance regarding this sort of stuff, I know my dad wasn't thrilled.

 

Best of luck.

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It's annoying, hard to read and you type like a kid who's played one too many JRPG's, It's not some sort of intense code, it's idiotic, the things you learn in English class apply here, I'm just saying that it'd be easier to communicate if you would pay more attention to how you word things and how you type out your stuff, it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be readable.

 

Anyway, this is off topic.

 

 

it's only off topic cuz u took it off topic....... to u and all the other posters..........if u dont like how i arrange my posts......feel free to pass them by and not read them......i could careless if it bothers any of you......im here cuz i love free hand glowsticking and want to communicate with other free handers......im not here to sho off my grammar or english skills, or to arrange to meet a tutor to help me with my english skills....... im here cuz when u give me glowsticks and challange me on the dance floor......I fuck you up.......i want to meet other people who fuck people up.....and it is cool with me if u have good or bad english skills......Cuz unlike some people......i wont judge you or find u annoying.....or try to educate you in why i think i am better for doing things my way......i am not one of those people....... :)

 

 

 

 

 

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it's only off topic cuz u took it off topic....... to u and all the other posters..........if u dont like how i arrange my posts......feel free to pass them by and not read them......i could careless if it bothers any of you......im here cuz i love free hand glowsticking and want to communicate with other free handers......im not here to sho off my grammar or english skills, or to arrange to meet a tutor to help me with my english skills....... im here cuz when u give me glowsticks and challange me on the dance floor......I fuck you up.......i want to meet other people who fuck people up.....and it is cool with me if u have good or bad english skills......Cuz unlike some people......i wont judge you or find u annoying.....or try to educate you in why i think i am better for doing things my way......i am not one of those people....... :)

 

http://www.glowsticking.com/articles-and-t...ng-culture.html

 

Read the articles.

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Thanks Epsilon.

 

Guys if you have personal issues that need worked out take it to PM. This section is for intelligent discussions and being mature. How you present your information is often how you are going to be taken, so with that being said it is best to try and speak clearly and use proper spelling and grammar while in this section and Cafe Intellect. Try not to deviate from the OP, because this is a topic he came to everyone for support with.

 

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Lilzsamora,

 

I'm glad that you had the chance to speak with your mom and she is helping with the process. I know that when my ex wanted to come out to her parents she kind of took me along for support, and having someone there that is understanding and supportive already really does help. I wish you the best and if you ever need/want to talk about glowsticks or anything feel free to toss me a PM!

 

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Well my mom seemed cool with it at first, but then today she sayed the thinks my friends are the problem like what happened to, Trance-Rckr. I'm going to check out that website and see if it'll help.

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Well my mom seemed cool with it at first, but then today she sayed the thinks my friends are the problem like what happened to, Trance-Rckr. I'm going to check out that website and see if it'll help.

 

Good luck man. The best thing to do is to be as truthful and as proactive as possible in this situation, I think. Assure your mother that it's *your* choice and that your friends had nothing to do with it.

 

I wish you the best.

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i am sorta just now coming out to my entire group of family and friends about my sexuality.i m still figuring things out i mean i might be by if anything i love to crossdress and all my friends and family have seen photos and in person things with it and some freaked out others supported it and some guys even were and are okay with those two things.im 20 yrs old and ive heard about both good and bad u know u cant predict or control how certain ppl react for certain things so personally id say go for it and just tell them.

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